Mom the Punching Bag

Another night of being physically assaulted by my child. I don't know how much more I can handle. I feel like I'm living with an abusive spouse but because it's my child...my baby... punching, clawing, slapping, cussing, elbowing me and twisting my wrists, it cuts me so deep. I can feel my soul ache.

She and I are about the same height and weight making it feel like I put in a couple rounds in a boxing ring sometimes, but the pain in my heart far outweighs any physical pain.

I'm at a total loss and about out of tears.

S.O.S.



http://www.livingdesign.info/2010/08/17/ghost-by-marco-brambilla/

I, once again, have some catching up to do to get everyone  filled in on the events that have been unfolding over the past several days. To sum it up for now (I will post details soon, things have been incredibly hectic lately and free time non-existent), the Lithium was not a good fit, it caused aggression, irritability and O.D.D. in full swing. My birthday was Saturday and it was one of the worst days of my life. I gave her Ativan to combat the aggression and calm her and it worked well, I did this for two days until I could speak to the Pdoc on Monday (since my child was not going to the hospital voluntarily). The doctor decided to put her on Klonopin since the Ativan was working so well to counteract the Lithium and keep her calm.

Uhmmm, why would you change something if it's working? Klonopin is like Ativan only stronger, from my understanding, and therein lies the problem! She was supposed to take it three times a day and I got the prescription late Monday so she got one dose Monday evening and Tuesday was the first day she received the full 3 doses. Two hours after the third dose of the day, I found myself in a power struggle in my home with a child who looked and acted like she was in a drunken bar room brawl!

She refused to let me get on my computer to finish an assignment that I needed to turn in online in an hour. She became physical with me with bouts of crying between the acts of physical and verbal aggression. While this was going on her eyes were barely opened, she was slurring and her coordination was off. As a result I had to call 911 and she fought the police and paramedics that arrived and had to be forcefully taken to the hospital in handcuffs in the back of a police cruiser with me following along behind them crying so hard I could barely see.

I am now way behind in my schoolwork, have chronic pain from an old 'injury' aggravated during our struggle, missed time from work and just a bundle of nerves and prone to tears for no reason at all and my poor child is so exasperated with all of the medication changes and not finding a good fit. I promise to fill every one in on the details, but let me just say it was an emotionally and physically exhausting several days. I keep tapping out an S.O.S. but nobody answers!!


Wishing you balance.
~Melissa

Rollercoaster Ride from Hell

I'm sorry I have been away so long. As many of you know, when a parent of a BP child is away or out of contact for long stretches of time, you can pretty much be guaranteed the child is not stabilized and the parent is spending every waking moment fighting for them. Sadly, that has been the case.

While I was away... my daughter was inpatient for 8 days due to BP Depression and self injury and the pdoc put her (hesitantly) on a low dose antidepressant - as a side note, BP kids and antidepressants are a dangerous combination, as it sends them into the opposite end of the spectrum - into a manic phase. That is exactly what happened with my daughter and everything spiraled out of control. A week after being released from the psychiatric hospital she was in the medical hospital overnight on psych eval/suicide watch, she attempted to run away, she self harmed, 911 was called three times; one of the calls (just four days ago) was because the dosage increase of her anti psychotic medicine had the nasty little side effect of causing her to become extremely violent and physically attack me.

I will post the details of our roller coaster ride over the past 2 months shortly.
Wishing you balance.
~Melissa