Mom the Punching Bag

Another night of being physically assaulted by my child. I don't know how much more I can handle. I feel like I'm living with an abusive spouse but because it's my child...my baby... punching, clawing, slapping, cussing, elbowing me and twisting my wrists, it cuts me so deep. I can feel my soul ache.

She and I are about the same height and weight making it feel like I put in a couple rounds in a boxing ring sometimes, but the pain in my heart far outweighs any physical pain.

I'm at a total loss and about out of tears.

IEP and 504 Plan Resource

I found this pdf document and have listed it on my "Resources" page.
It is written by the National Association of School Psychologists and it gives good, detailed information about Early Onset Bipolar Disorder and also on page 3 and 4 it lists school based treatments (or provisions) to be made for the Bipolar student.

All wonderful ideas to list on your child's IEP or 504 Plan.

Promising New Research Study

JBRF Announces FDA Approval to Proceed with Clinical Trial

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Maplewood, NJ - November 3, 2011

The Juvenile Bipolar Research Foundation (“JBRF”) announced today that the Federal Drug Administration (“FDA”) has approved its submission of a request to study the use of intranasal ketamine in the treatment of children ages 6-12 with bipolar disorder who also have an identifiable biological marker associated with body temperature dysregulation. “This research, funded by donations from supporters of JBRF, will be the first placebo-controlled study to apply this novel treatment in this age group “ said Inger Sjogren, Executive Director of the JBRF.

Dr. Demitri Papolos, Director of Research of the JBRF, noted that a controlled study of ketamine using, for the first time, an intranasal form of administration will build upon previous work performed in both children and adults. A pilot study that he and his colleagues have conducted with over 30 children who struggle with bipolar disorder and are resistant to traditional treatments has already shown great promise using this approach. In many cases, full resolution of symptoms in the most severe form of the disorder has been observed. This work is consistent with findings from studies in adults with treatment resistant depression who received a single dose of ketamine given intravenously.

Ketamine may prove to have the most positive impact on a unique set of behavioral, cognitive and physiological characteristics associated with a group of children who are the most resistant to traditional treatments and suffer repeated hospitalizations. Dr. Papolos and his colleagues first reported on the specific behavioral attributes in this group, termed Fear of Harm, in the Journal of Affective Disorders in 2009. Since that time, a specific biological marker has been attributed to this severe subtype of the illness in children. This marker, associated with a dysregulation of body temperature will be further studied with the use of a novel monitor designed to collect a wide range of physiological signals related to temperature and sleep.

Ms. Sjogren said that the study was expected to begin within the next 3 months and last approximately 12 months. Further information is available at http://www.jbrf.org/.

The JBRF is a 501(c)(3) corporation founded to support research into the study and treatment of bipolar disorder in children and adolescents.

For information regarding the JBRF and its mission please contact Executive Director Inger Sjogren at ingersjogren@jbrf.org.

The "S" Word!!

I've decided in order to make things less confusing, I am giving my daughters fictitious names instead of just saying "my oldest daughter" or oftentimes just "my daughter" because I do have two daughters but mostly just talk about the youngest, who is the one suffering with mental illnesses.

• 15 year old: Britney
• Bipolar 1 ultra-rapid cycling and at times ultradian cycling, mixed episodes
• PTSD
• OCD
• ODD
• Panic Disorder
• Social Anxiety
• 19 year old: Haley
• does not live at home
• attends college

Friday I took Britney to have a mental evaluation for the Disability Determination Board, in our efforts to get Social Security Disability for her. This is our second go-round filing a disability claim. The first time she was denied - apparently this is the norm for the first application, as there is someone whose sole job is to stamp "DENIED" on all incoming claims without even reading them, hoping they won't appeal or file a new one. Well, he won last time because with all I had going on I missed the deadline for the appeal and didn't give it another thought until her illness was out of hand and required numerous hospitalizations in a short period of time. So I started the process again a couple months back. This is the first time we've been sent for a mental evaluation and this time there are so many new in patient and outpatient hospitalizations in her file - hopefully her claim will go through this time. Wish us luck! I know many of you know what a long process this can be.


After the mental evaluation Britney had an appointment with the Pdoc. We had good things to report for the first time in a long time! The Ativan on a regular schedule (1/2 mg three time a day) added to her current cocktail of mood stabilizer and anti psychotic seems to be working well and she is...(whisper voice)...stabilized. I was scared to say that word and have knocked on every piece of wood I have encountered since saying it. After many years of instability, a few knuckle splinters is small potatoes!

So although her behavior isn't perfect - I'm not looking for perfect. I'm content that I don't have to walk on eggshells, I haven't had to deal with any rages lately and I actually get smiles, laughter and joking around from Britney! That is my perfection! I am so happy and she is happy. This is just heaven!

Now that things are so calm and serene around here I hate to dredge up the bad rages and live them all over again but  I promised I'd tell you about it so I'm going to enjoy the calm for a couple of days and will post about it soon.


Wishing you balance.
~Melissa

Bullies and Heroes

It’s that time of year again. For one week every fall the Fair comes to town and it is all anyone in town talks about, young and old. Teenagers are usually dropped off and walk around meeting up with friends and riding the rides together for hours and hours having a blast. My daughter is no exception. I told her she could be dropped off this year, it would be the first year I felt comfortable doing that…the only problem is she isn’t stabilized and I know all it would take is one snide remark from a  snarky teenager (do they come in any other variety?) and she would rage. When she’s in rage-mode there’s no stopping her and the teen on the receiving end would most likely be seriously injured and any police that attempted to intervene would be assaulted as well. This was my fear in addition to her getting high, causing serious interactions because she’s on a regular dosing schedule of Ativan and that can’t mix well with other nervous system depressants.

I also worried that I would get a frantic call from her or from police and be unable to get to her for quite a while due to the heavy fair traffic. So, I stayed at the fair and walked around by myself for 8 hours and surprisingly I didn’t run into her one time. I called her every couple of hours to check on her and had her meet up with me 7 hours in so I could lay eyes on her.

Aside from aches and pains from walking around in the cold for 8 hours it was a pretty uneventful night. She had so much fun and got to experience the fair just like the other teenagers do.

On the way home her phone was ringing and text messages coming through in rapid succession. She was visibly distraught reading them and from her side of the conversations when she picked up the phone, she was being harassed.  Cue my sinking heart.

By the time we arrived home she was getting harassing calls, texts, posts all over her Facebook page, and several other kids posted cruel and vicious statuses about her. She was called fat, ugly, a whore, bitch, told nobody likes her and even told to go kill herself! The heartless, cruel little assholes had no idea that that’s exactly what they could cause if they continued the vicious attacks on her!! I just wanted to hurt every vicious little twit for hurting my child! Not rational, but that’s what my heart wanted so badly!

She wound up melting down once we got home. She was angry, crying, throwing things, cussing me, and screaming that she can’t take it anymore. It hurt my heart so much! She was quickly spinning out of control and refusing to take her medication. I told her if she kept refusing her meds I had no choice but to call 911 to take her to the hospital because she needed her medication and I knew the situation would only escalate. I had to call 911.

A couple minutes later she took her medication. Seconds after taking it she was crying and threw something else across the house. In a near-growl she said “I’m sorry. I’m SOOO angry and I don’t know what to do!”  You could see the anger and tension in her balled up fists and rigid body posture but her face only conveyed pain. My poor baby was hurting so bad.

I picked up the phone to call 911 back and let them know they weren’t needed and she took her medication but as I was calling I saw the familiar blue lights of a police car dancing through the window and pulsating on our walls. The paramedics were immediately behind the police.

We have become acquainted with several paramedics and one police officer in particular. They are our heroes. They have been so kind, understanding and patient with me and my daughter and I am so very thankful for that.

A new officer came in that night and I explained the situation and told him she finally did take her Ativan and would calm down shortly.  He stuck around to wait for it to kick in and make sure everything was ok. But what impressed me the most was while he was waiting he asked a lot of questions about her illness and was very empathetic. Our “usual” officer showed up too and walked straight in and addressed me by name and shook my hand, addressed my daughter by name and said hello to her.  The two officers stayed for about fifteen minutes asking questions and listening to what I had to say in regards to my daughters’ illness and that made me feel so good about the people that respond to my frantic calls when we’re in the midst of a crisis.  I have experienced the opposite end of the spectrum where we had officers physically hurt my child and yell at her that there’s nothing wrong with her, she’s just a bad kid and needs to straighten up and left her with a saucer-sized hematoma on her lower back as a reminder of what happens when you don’t do what they tell you to. We are very fortunate to have the paramedics and officers that we do. I plan on making them something as a token of our appreciation.

Oh – it turns out all the harassing was my daughters’ ex-best friend recruiting people to gang up on her because she was mad that my child broke up with the kid she was ‘dating’ and now had a new boyfriend. Really!?! My child suffered because of that petty bullshit!!

I intervened online and by calling the instigators dad. Please pray the torment has stopped.

S.O.S.



http://www.livingdesign.info/2010/08/17/ghost-by-marco-brambilla/

I, once again, have some catching up to do to get everyone  filled in on the events that have been unfolding over the past several days. To sum it up for now (I will post details soon, things have been incredibly hectic lately and free time non-existent), the Lithium was not a good fit, it caused aggression, irritability and O.D.D. in full swing. My birthday was Saturday and it was one of the worst days of my life. I gave her Ativan to combat the aggression and calm her and it worked well, I did this for two days until I could speak to the Pdoc on Monday (since my child was not going to the hospital voluntarily). The doctor decided to put her on Klonopin since the Ativan was working so well to counteract the Lithium and keep her calm.

Uhmmm, why would you change something if it's working? Klonopin is like Ativan only stronger, from my understanding, and therein lies the problem! She was supposed to take it three times a day and I got the prescription late Monday so she got one dose Monday evening and Tuesday was the first day she received the full 3 doses. Two hours after the third dose of the day, I found myself in a power struggle in my home with a child who looked and acted like she was in a drunken bar room brawl!

She refused to let me get on my computer to finish an assignment that I needed to turn in online in an hour. She became physical with me with bouts of crying between the acts of physical and verbal aggression. While this was going on her eyes were barely opened, she was slurring and her coordination was off. As a result I had to call 911 and she fought the police and paramedics that arrived and had to be forcefully taken to the hospital in handcuffs in the back of a police cruiser with me following along behind them crying so hard I could barely see.

I am now way behind in my schoolwork, have chronic pain from an old 'injury' aggravated during our struggle, missed time from work and just a bundle of nerves and prone to tears for no reason at all and my poor child is so exasperated with all of the medication changes and not finding a good fit. I promise to fill every one in on the details, but let me just say it was an emotionally and physically exhausting several days. I keep tapping out an S.O.S. but nobody answers!!


Wishing you balance.
~Melissa

Lithium and birth control

We just returned from the Pdoc - it seems like six months since we last saw him, so much has happened in that one month! He added Lithium to the medication cocktail . 300 mg twice a day. She was on Lithium back in 2009 and we didn't have good results but we have noticed that she is able to tolerate meds better now that were tried when she was younger and much smaller, so we're giving this a shot again. He also wants her to be put on birth control since she and I just discovered that just before her monthly visitor comes she sprouts horns and has the uncanny ability to turn her head completely around. He is unable to write a prescription for birth control so I must make another appointment and get her in to see our family doctor for that.
This is a blessing in two ways, since her hypersexuality episodes have me scared to death knowing it's just a matter of when, not if...
I told her we are having a condom party this weekend! I'm getting some bananas and pretty, colorful condoms and teaching her how to properly put them on and giving her some pretty condoms as party favors - just incase. I already drilled the cute slogan in her head "Don't Be Silly, Wrap Your Willy!"


 I'll keep everyone posted on the new meds and also fill you in on the adventurous month we had.


Wishing you balance.
~Melissa