The "S" Word!!

I've decided in order to make things less confusing, I am giving my daughters fictitious names instead of just saying "my oldest daughter" or oftentimes just "my daughter" because I do have two daughters but mostly just talk about the youngest, who is the one suffering with mental illnesses.

• 15 year old: Britney
• Bipolar 1 ultra-rapid cycling and at times ultradian cycling, mixed episodes
• PTSD
• OCD
• ODD
• Panic Disorder
• Social Anxiety
• 19 year old: Haley
• does not live at home
• attends college

Friday I took Britney to have a mental evaluation for the Disability Determination Board, in our efforts to get Social Security Disability for her. This is our second go-round filing a disability claim. The first time she was denied - apparently this is the norm for the first application, as there is someone whose sole job is to stamp "DENIED" on all incoming claims without even reading them, hoping they won't appeal or file a new one. Well, he won last time because with all I had going on I missed the deadline for the appeal and didn't give it another thought until her illness was out of hand and required numerous hospitalizations in a short period of time. So I started the process again a couple months back. This is the first time we've been sent for a mental evaluation and this time there are so many new in patient and outpatient hospitalizations in her file - hopefully her claim will go through this time. Wish us luck! I know many of you know what a long process this can be.


After the mental evaluation Britney had an appointment with the Pdoc. We had good things to report for the first time in a long time! The Ativan on a regular schedule (1/2 mg three time a day) added to her current cocktail of mood stabilizer and anti psychotic seems to be working well and she is...(whisper voice)...stabilized. I was scared to say that word and have knocked on every piece of wood I have encountered since saying it. After many years of instability, a few knuckle splinters is small potatoes!

So although her behavior isn't perfect - I'm not looking for perfect. I'm content that I don't have to walk on eggshells, I haven't had to deal with any rages lately and I actually get smiles, laughter and joking around from Britney! That is my perfection! I am so happy and she is happy. This is just heaven!

Now that things are so calm and serene around here I hate to dredge up the bad rages and live them all over again but  I promised I'd tell you about it so I'm going to enjoy the calm for a couple of days and will post about it soon.


Wishing you balance.
~Melissa